The Role of Consumption (for me)

Or: The Squishmallow was worth it.

As I pass the mid-year mark of my “no buy year”, it’s time to reflect on how things have progressed. I have documented four times more things NOT purchased after searching and choosing them as things I HAVE purchased. Putting the things I do not buy in a spreadsheet has been effective for me because I can see where I would, in retrospect, not have wanted that thing anyway. The FIRST thing I put on the list and the most expensive thing (I guess I wanted to remind myself how silly things can be) is a $400 sweater. I am glad I did not buy a $400 sweater. (But don’t tell me you can find that sweater in a thrift store, you can’t.)

I should mention that my savings have not accrued in any significant way. I have needed a ton of dental work. I did a big travel, which I had allowed for, but not accounted for precisely. I did not curb my eating out spending because as I learned when I tried to quit smoking 75 times, you can’t quit more than one thing at a time. So comfort eating = ok, comfort buying = not ok. (FTR I consider my real smoking quit date to be December 2022, or as I like to think of it “an indefinite break”).

So, I wanted to examine the times I bought something that was not on my allowed list and the reasons I noted at the time. This is not exhaustive, but representative.

·         “I couldn’t find the ones I had”

·         “It was cute, and I just finished knitting class”

·         “Our old one broke”

·         “It was on sale”

·         “Had store credit and went over”

·         “Felt obligated to buy something to support independent business”

·         “Accidentally left it in the cart when buying textbooks”

·         “Wanted to support the podcaster”

·         “I ordered the wrong thing last year”

·         “Impulse bought something for myself when buying a gift”

·         “Afraid I wouldn’t find it again”

·         “A present to myself for getting through a tough thing”

·         “Impulse mobile game purchase due to ease of purchase and perceived cheapness”

·         “Limited edition”

·         “Going out of business sale”

·         “Wanted to hug something, and was weak”

·         “Book club fever”

·         “Lost my damn mind”

·         “Weak”

·         “It has funny writing on it”

·         “Needed something that would let me get tattooed in a place”

·         “The Sale Illusion”

·         “Travel anxiety”

·         “Thought it was small” (mobile games again)

·         “Rewards for academic success”

·         “After 10pm”

·         “Scarcity mindset”

The ones in bold are where that emotion or rationale was present multiple times over the last six months. I literally borked the “no shopping after 10 pm” rule LAST NIGHT, so that’s great. Anxiety is a huge motivator. I never documented “bored” or “as a distraction” or “to feel control over something” but those are starting points to get me to all these final decisions. I documented “weak” several times more recently; it feels like as time passes, it’s harder to resist “just a small thing, it’s under $20”. (That is how I spent $67 on Gems or War last month; $2-$10 at a time.) Hopefully reflecting on these reasons helps me pause and feel them and let them pass next time.

I want to also be clear that I did not need or indeed use almost all of these things. The thing that broke? Was our slow cooker. Have we used the new slow cooker even once? NO. I bought several antique postcards that were funny, and they are sitting in a pile on my desk for no reason, although they do spark joy, so I hope to display them in the future when I have time. Oh, the one thing I definitely used was the Squishmallow that “I needed to hug”. The book purchases were very much assisted by my revisiting of Libby via the HoCo public library, but still books were my number one violation.

So, what does it all mean? Right now, it means that slowly as I do this and get rid of more things, I have a more functional home. It means I can get dental work without accruing debt. It means I am more aware of my feelings and what drives my behavior, so all that CBT wasn’t for nothing. It means I have a little more sense of my mortality and how time works; I will never be able to do ALL the things. It frees up time on the occasions when I start to open a browser window to find “the perfect X” and just don’t instead. My visual field is less cluttered, which makes me more productive and calmer. Checking in like this is a way to renew the momentum.

I am BY NO MEANS a “minimalist” or living a “simple life” or “zero waste” although those concepts are fine guiding stars, and those websites and YouTube channels and Instagram and TikTok accounts can inspire. It’s okay! Extremes are hard, nay, impossible. Here’s to maybe needing less dental work in the second half of the year, and probably being too busy to think about buying things anyways.